The Hobbit

Remember that scene where Bilbo rescues the elf maiden in the troll cave? Neither do we.

This unreliable interpretation of Tolkein?s The Hobbit places Bilbo Baggins in a bizarre world where he must collect coins, drag boxes, swing from ropes onto platforms, and complete banal errands that are at best nominally affiliated with the actual book. They?ve taken a literary masterpiece, stripped away its lyricism and wonderment, and left a withered husk of a formulaic platformer. If you love all things Tolkein, turn your head in disgust and steer clear of this monstrosity?you?re better off re-reading the book, watching the cartoon with the cool songs, or finally cracking open The Silmarillion.

If this game existed in a vacuum and didn?t have a pedigree to live up to, it would still wallow in mediocrity. Environments and textures are well rendered, but characters and monsters are angular and bland. The voice acting presents a few bright spots in an otherwise dull soundscape. The clunky controls make combat and ledge-hopping a tiresome chore. Bilbo?s slow attack combos are boring and do inconsistent amounts of damage. Jumping from rope to rope is another particularly unrefined element that results in many needless deaths. Since Bilbo is supposed to be a Burglar, thieving and stealth are integrated, but they play out as simplistic timing games instead of actual challenges.

Tolkien?s work has inspired heaps of amazing art, music, film, animation, and at least one good video game (hint: its not this one). But this revisionist take on The Hobbit is aimed squarely at making a quick buck by riding Peter Jackson?s coattails.

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