Sneak King

Four dollars doesn't buy much anymore. Still, it's good to know that that kind of money can still buy you an Xbox 360 game about fast food royalty with a gigantic shiny plastic head who likes to secretly follow young women and surprise them with artery clogging food products in some form of culinary exhibitionism.

And that's just the start of the enjoyment that Burger King is offering us with its new line of 3 games for the Xbox and the Xbox 360.

Did You Hear A Noise?
Your mission, should you choose to accept it is to spread food across the forest.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it is to spread food across the forest.

The party starts with the aforementioned Sneak King. If you've heard of this game, you've probably heard one thing: it's creepy. It's definitely true. From the intro cinematic where the King sneaks up to peer into an uninvited window to his hip gyrations of food flourishing joy, this game will send nervous shivers down your spine. What's even more frightening is how bad the gameplay is. The plan for this one appeared to be, "Let's take Metal Gear Solid, remove all the gadgets, plot, techniques and style then add in a freak in a King suit. Make sure each objective is nearly exactly the same and repeat ad naseum." You sneak around locations such as a logging mill or a neighborhood trying to stay out of people's vision cones so you can deliver Burger King brand products while certain factors add multipliers to your score.

One factor is button press timing which, executed well, "rewards" you with some sort of pelvis thrusting dance before food delivery. This is both unsanitary and sickening. Aside from this slightly entertaining diversion, the game is a gigantic snooze fest and the Burger King advertising is so pervasive that it makes you feel dirty for picking up the controller. To make matters worse, the game locked up our test Xbox 360 twice.

I can only see this game having use as a cheap and definitely non habit forming method of sleep aid with nightmares as a possible side effect. Or a coaster. Sneak King should be avoided at all costs, unless four dollars is worth a scant few minutes of surprised laughter at just how creepy a corporate mascot can be.

Click on for our reviews of the other BK games:

Big Bumpin'

PocketBike Racer

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