Condemned: Criminal Origins
- May 17, 2006 10:36 AM PST
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Interested in a cheap, dirty thrill? Then the PC port of Condemned: Criminal Origins might be for you.
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Condemned: Criminal Origins wants so badly to be Seven: The Video Game, it's almost embarrassing at times. The opening scenes show a flickering, grainy montage of over-exposed police memos (with words like "mutilation" and "extremely dangerous" placed oh-so-prominently) and a scattered collection of crime scene photos. Meanwhile, the audio track pumps out an array of frantic rustling, tapping, and muffled moaning. It's so damn edgy, it's almost trite -- what you might get if David Fincher and Trent Reznor decided they just had to collaborate on a video game.
Beating a Dead Horse
What's different about the PC version of Condemned? Virtually nothing. The storyline is identical, with your FBI agent pursuing a mysterious serial killer and fending off hordes of drug-crazed squatters. The gameplay is still as simplistic as ever, with melee combat scenes that play out like extended pillow fights (save for the two-by-fours and fire axes). You whack an enemy, block or dodge backwards, then jump forward to whack some more. Forward-back, forward-back: it's an astoundingly simple play routine, and after the first 30 minutes, you'll be ready for a change of pace. You won't get it, aside from a few taser jolts and shotgun blasts here and there.
The game is also blink-and-you'll-miss-it short. If you take the scenic route, expect a lonely eight-hour experience. If you're a pro, you'll blow through the entire game in one matter-of-fact afternoon. And if it weren't for the lengthy cinema scenes (which you can't skip, of course), the game could be completed in as little as four hours. You can extend the experience by hunting for secret rotting birds and bits of metal, but because there's no worthwhile reward for collecting them, it borders on pointless.
At least the controls are a step up from the Xbox 360 version. The melee and shoot scenarios play smoother with a mouse, and the keyboard makes exploration, combat, and forensic testing a simpler, less finger-cramping process. The controls generally deliver a superior experience, and in that way, the PC version of Condemned is ever-so-slightly more enjoyable than its Xbox 360 cousin. Otherwise, it's the exact same game in every possible way.
Seven is as Seven Does
If there's any major reason to play Condemned, it's to check out the fantastic visuals. If you don't own an HD-TV, this PC version is a good alternative -- a decent PC monitor can look nearly as sharp as the latest uber-pricey hi-def LCD. And you'll want every as much visual fidelity as you can muster in order to see every fly-specked detail in Condemned's crumbling, filth-caked apartment buildings. The environments look so lifelike, it's as if Monolith lifted screen grabs straight from the Seven and Fight Club DVDs and rendered them in 3D. Enemies also show off surprisingly realistic animations as you pound their faces in, with the requisite ragdoll physics adding a disturbing dose of realism.
Par for the PC gaming course, you'll want high-end hardware to get the best performance in Condemned. The good news is, Condemned ain't no Oblivion: a Geforce 7800 GT is powerful enough to enable the highest detail settings and anti-aliasing, with smooth performance to boot. As usual, your mileage may vary.
The sound is spooky enough, with low-key music wafting in from time to time. You'll mostly hear a collection of thuds, smacks, and violent cursing, with the occasional dialogue cliche or hardboiled cop line thrown in for good measure.
Condemned if You Do, Condemned if You Don't
There really isn't much more to say. Condemned is intense, but it's more of an elaborate tech demo or proof of concept than a truly fleshed-out game. As such, it's not an especially smart buy if you're tight on cash. Condemned isn't the kind of game you'll be playing months from now, or even days from now.
On the other hand, if you're interested in a cheap thrill, you could do much, much worse than Condemned. Let's just hope Monolith can expand the game's narrow palette for the inevitable sequel. Condemned is good, grisly fun...while it lasts.
