Spartan: Total Warrior

Part God of War and part Dynasty Warriors, Spartan: Total War is a hyper-violent trip into ancient Mediterranean mayhem.

Spartan: Total Warrior stands somewhere between God of War and Dynasty Warriors as an entertaining (but imperfect) amalgamation of ancient Greek mythology and dramatic large scale battles--reaching for Olympian heights but coming up short of gaming greatness.

Hammer of the Gods
Taking the role of "The Spartan", you are a proud super-warrior on a quest to save the ancient city of Sparta from the encroachments of the Roman Empire with the help of the uber-evil deity Ares (who conveniently sounds a lot like Satan in a bad horror film). The third-person hack-and-slash action drops you into a seemingly endless barrage of massive battles (with up to 160 characters appearing on screen simultaneously) and a variety of mission goals, like defending an area or providing escort duty. The frantic kill-or-be-killed style of gameplay can be very enjoyable in doses, but the action tends toward the repetitive after several prolonged levels of chaotic, single-player carnage. However, Spartan: Total Warrior isn't just all mindless murder missions, as each stage also includes a few mild puzzles and logical challenges that'll require you to remain at least semi-conscious throughout your raging rampage against the Romans. While decimating an entire enemy squadron single-handedly is a lot of fun, the lack of any cooperative multiplayer modes can make for a lonely soldering experience at times.

When in Doubt, Smash About
The game also features a surprisingly robust catalogue of special moves and magic abilities that casual gamers may never notice, thanks to the button-mashing-friendly control scheme (blocking is the only real skill you'll need to master). However, the graphical presentation falls far short of typical late generation Xbox standards, with more blocky polygons than a high school geometry class. Even so, Spartan: Total Warrior still showcases a pleasant portion of gory violence and splashy red sprays, but the aloof camera can easily loses your character in the sea of suffering humanity, forcing you to rely on blind button mashing. A fun title overall, but not outside the "try before you buy" realm of action games.

Key Moment: Pummeling a Roman Centurion into a pile of warm meat with a single swing of Beowulf's mighty hammer.

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