Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad

psh i knew it was going to suck, it looked so obvious

GameProSucks wrote:

Gee. Thanks for erasing the comments that were already here.

Erased 'em because I went back and fixed them, man--just a few typos.

Apparently, they have proactive deletion of comments, as mine was deleted after I hit "submit." To reiterate:

I wasn't expecting much from the game, maybe a 6/10 type average score. But this review actually upsets me through its complete and utter lack of professionalism, serving as the worst example of internet journalism. Game journalism is usually the dregs to begin and this review exemplifies all of the media's failings. The writer's arguments, if they can even be called such, are a collection of vague misrepresentation of facts and/or details, just enough to make an inflammatory statement, but offering no real evidence to support. The entirety of the article shows a complete lack of objectivity, a required trait for any reviewer as people are not looking for your surly put-downs, but rather concrete details and supported arguments about the content in hand. This venomous rant serves no purpose or good, failing on all levels to serve as a professional review. I would highly suggest that the reviewer take a remedial writing course, read a few decent examples of how to compose an analytical essay, and stop thinking that people give the residue off a stripper's pole about what she thinks when what we're looking for is an even-handed analysis of facts and failings. In other words, grow the **** up.

Pointless, offensive, and downright boring:GamePro's Onechanbara review has arrived.

Did we learn anything about the game in this review?

Did the reviewee do any homework on what this series is about?

Did the reviewee even finish the game?

I suspect the answer is no to all of the above.
We all know this is not a highly anticipated major title, but that is still no excuse for such a lazy review

And yeah....sixty, forty...I can see how that would be a typo...

No offense to all you naysayers here, I can sympathize with the pretty crappy review that this is. But remember - this is Gamepro. You're obviously not here scouring the dregs of gaming's "editorial" world looking for the next Pulitzer Prize-winning article.

That said, the review is far from adequate and like someone else said, it really lacks any insight or knowledge of origins of the game in Japan. It would have been nice to hear about how it started off as a cheesy budget game (and spawned more cheesy budget games). It's called context, something Mr. Tae Kim apparently doesn't need to be bothered with. Instead, it's basically reviewed with a sort of sniper scope that would usually be aimed at games like Gears of War 2 or some other blockbuster, big budget title. And, of course, it's not going to meet up to those expectations.

The biggest problem with the review is the fact that while it may not be Tae Kim's cup of tea, it obviously will be someone's - a point that also seems to escape him. There's a little thing that journalists like to call "objectivity," which in a perfect world would help prevent reviews like this from coming into existence. But to use the term "journalism" for something like this would be ridiculous. Last time I checked you actually need a degree to be called a journalist, not just being able to say "hey, I got hired by Gamepro to write stuff."

Let me see what I got from this review:

A long intro with a butt load of text that you cant skip with a piss poor actress attempting to read them.

Piss poor graphics with SLOWDOWN on the 360.

Completion of the game by button mashing alone without dying..... even once.

Weak repetitive characters with weak bosses make for boring gameplay.

Long loading screens which the developer knew about, which is why they gave you a minigame to play. I would rather have a short load time with no minigame.

You guys are bitching because he gave a really bad game a really bad review. Wanting to know if he checked the history, checked the origins? Wanting to know if he completed the game? Which he stated he did in his sentence "I survived the entire game without coming close to dying even once, all while button mashing." Who cares!!! If something sucks I don't care what the history is, a bad game is a bad game. In today's day with what developers have to work with I do expect a good quality game with no SLOWDOWN from them. So for him to insult a bad game is what they have coming to them. If you read the article instead of trying to hit his "journalism skills" you would know that. If your wanting an over rated journalist go read TIME magazine. If you want to know the short and dirty on a game, read a game site or magazine review. I know the last crappy game I played I didn't finish that game, you bet if I was a reviewer I would have rated it poorly. If your halfway through a game and you have failed to have any fun..... it's a bad game.

So sighgamepro, GameProSucks, HCgamer and Yardapult, Anderson Cooper called... he wants his four fans back. Or maybe is isn't a good enough journalist for you either.

Dude, HCGamer she/he said they finished the entire game without dying. I thought sense you bitched about the the review sooo much you would noticed that she/he said they had said that.

so, she said she finished it....doesn't mean she did. I've played the PS2 versions of this game and unless she had cheat code for invincibility, I can pretty much guarantee she didn't beat the game w/o dying, even on the easiest level.

there is certainly no info on the game to back it up. Did she talk about gaining experience points to level up characters? No. Talk about quests? No.

This review reeks of God Hand all over again. That reviewer whined about how much he hated the game, so people slammed him on his blog. Then he blogged about it even more, and ADMITTED he never got past the second level of the game before quitting

I already knew this game was going to generate poor reviews because I know the history of the series and the developer. The game is a cult hit in Japan and the cheese factor is purely intentional. Hate the game? Fine. But still at least cover the basics of the game. Don't write a piss poor blog.

But I expect a better review of the game. I don't expect a 10 page review like you see for Halo or GTA that reads more like and ad than a review, but I still expect better than this lazy review.

"It's called context, something Mr. Tae Kim apparently doesn't need to be bothered with. "

Uh, just to point out, I didn't write this review. So yes, I actually didn't bother with the context because, well, I didn't write it. As for your complaints, you're more than free to disagree with Heather's opinion. That is what reviews are, after all: opinions. If you dislike our review, then you should feel free to ignore it. That's what we're here to do: give you our take and help you make a buying decision. If our take doesn't jibe with yours, then you should do what we have always encouraged our readers to do--look at other sources, get other opinions and the ultimate, rent the game and see for yourself before you buy the game.

TKK

I dont understand why some people think pixels are hot..