Kiss Pinball

In 1977 they stole your love, but now rock gods cum merchandising gurus KISS want to steal your money with this pathetic pinball simulator.

Even devout soldiers of the KISS Army expecting pyrotechnics, blazing lights and vomited blood will be disappointed by dismal gameplay set to interminably looped hot licks, disorientating camera panning, and sterile voiceovers by Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley.

KISS Pinball only features 2 tables, and though the table designs and dot-matrix displays are authentic, the graphics are stale and lack depth compared to games like Pro-Pinball. Not only is the game plagued by brutal slowdown when you unlock multiballs, but the ball suffers occasional palsy attacks, and deflects off the flippers in random trajectories. The sound effects are rudimentary, and the music consists of nothing more than flanged-out guitar samples. Simple and responsive controls are competent. Gamers needing their retro KISS fix are better off picking up Destroyer on vinyl, because KISS Pinball scores a big, fat tilt.

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